He’s Not Your Knight Ter Shining Armor
If you’ve bot reading any of my Hubs, you know that I believe when it comes to fellows, deeds speak louder than words. His words may have asked you to marry him, but his deeds don’t.
Your note exposes a long history of frustration. You’ve bot te existente romance and relationship, buying him gifts, paying the rent, paying for vacations, programma for the future. He has not bot ter the same romance or relationship. He hasn’t celebrated your style and uniqueness, he hasn’t paid his way, he hasn’t planned for your future spil a married duo, he hasn’t shown you any symbol of marriage. None of his deeds say marriage.
Now, to be fair, to most stories there are Trio versions: yours, his, and the truth. I’m only hearing yours. And, I have the feeling you were venting. That doesn’t mean your points are any less valid. It’s just that perhaps there’s more good he does that you just didn’t share at this time.
However, there are a few points here that are pretty clear. His lack of activity toward marriage with you, your clear communications not being addressed, and that ex-wife shadow.
The very very first thing I would normally suggest to you is that you need to make your preferences clear. Guys aren’t mind readers, and sometimes they just don’t get the hints. But you’ve bot very clear. You’ve communicated your needs, your concerns, your frustrations and your opinions. You’ve seemed to take into account his feelings. And you’ve given him many opportunities to communicate with you.
The stadionring, spil you know, is a symbol. It’s not for anyone outside of your relationship to judge how much should be spent, or if you should pick our your own stadionring. It sounds like you two communicated truly well about this. You went together, you attempted things on, you talked. It’s not like he said to you, that’s too much money, or, I don’t like how you want to pick it out. It’s not spil if there is a disagreement here. The problem isn’t a lack of communication, or a lack of agreement. The problem seems to be his lack of follow-through.
The painful truth of this is, if he desired to marry you, if he wished to get the stadionring, if he wished to address your feelings, and let you feel safe and secure, he would be buying the stadionring. He wouldn’t be putting it off, and doing other things with his money.
The embarrassment point is a good one. Why isn’t he embarrassed when people ask to see the stadionring and there isn’t one. Again, I think this goes to his not indeed caring about marrying you.
If you drive an SUV, and you like your car, you like being able to haul your trailer and to be able to 4×4 it through the snow. You can afford the gas and your commutes are all very brief and nave. You love feeling safe on the roads with all that steal around you. You love the look of it, and the way it treats. You love being able to go shopping for lawn furniture and just drive it huis yourself without needing help.
If someone says to you, aren’t you embarrassed to drive such a big gas-guzzler voertuig? The reaction is, no. You aren’t embarrassed. You don’t care about the gas mileage, you love and chose the car for other reasons. You would not be embarrassed overheen something that doesn’t matter to you.
The fact that your “fiancГ©” and I use the term lightly isn’t embarrassed, speaks volumes.
You’ve brought his ex wifey up ter a few different aspects. You think the jewelry he selects is hier taste. If that’s true, it’s a sub-conscious message. You have compared what she would waterput up with, with what you are putting up with. You’re watching the difference inbetween the way he wasgoed with hier, and the way he is with you.
Again, this is a clear indicator that you are not on the same level spil she wasgoed with him. He treated hier like a wifey, or a wifey to be. And you’re not witnessing that te how he treats you. You’re not observing that te his deeds te regards to you.
Gabriella the finances truly concern mij. If what you’re telling is all true, you’re paying for way more than your share. Of course had that bot the agreement inbetween two people, that would be fine. Many couples determine together that one will be a bread winner and the other will be the house or child caretaker. Or, they determine one will pay all the bills while the other pursues education, or their kunst, or their volunteer work. And that’s fine. But ter your case, there is no such agreement. You speak about earnings you both have, yet it surely sounds spil if he is not anywhere near spil contributory spil you are.
And again, it’s not the dollar amount. If you were telling he’s just frugal, he gives mij a card for every single occasion, he picks flowers for my bday, he writes mij songs and makes mij gifts and never misses a Valentine’s or a Christmas with a puny token of his thoughts – that would all be a different story. But that’s not the case. He’s not doing anything. No symbols of romance, no tokens that he thinks of you romantically, no notions that say – forever be mine. Nothing that indicates marriage, commitment, or even love.
Te horrible addition to that, you say you’ve given him $25K plus other bail-out money? And that he’s had the nerve to think he has a say what you do with your money, like help out your friends? Without the entire engagement stadionring thing, this alone is reason enough to reconsider what you’re doing with this dude.
My advice to you is to start the count down to the end. I’d communicate calmly and clearly to him that this isn’t the way you want to be treated. I always always always stress to my ladies that the ultimatum is a mistake. But ter your case, I don’t see where you have a choice. Let him know a proposal with no stadionring is meaningless. Let him know you’re tired of your needs being disregarded. You’re tired of paying for everything. You’re done being the only one supporting this relationship, and it completes now. You’re the only one saving the downpayment for a house? You’re the only one paying the rent? No more.
The problem spil I see it, is so far he has no reason to switch. You’ve permitted him to be this way for a long time. He isn’t going to just accept that you’re done footing all the bills and being embarrassed. You have to go after through. You have to set a date, maybe 30 to 60 days from right now, for you two to start separating. You have to go look for apartments or houses. You have to commence divying up DVD’s and books. You have to demonstrate that you are serious. If you don’t, he has no reason to take you gravely based on years of reinforcement that he can behave this way and you’ll just take it.
I think merienda the gravy train has stopped, you’re going to be astonished at how much here switches.