Most of us online date—but many of us don’t know how to market ourselves. After a while, all the profiles sound the same, utter of similar cliches and adjectives. “Looking for a fucking partner te crime,” “Are you my other half?” and, my beloved, “I like candlelit dinners, sunsets and walks on the beach” (yes, people still say that!). If you look at ten random profiles right now, I bet you’ll find the same thing—everyone’s “funny” and “laid-back” and “adventurous.”
I used to have a standard, generic profile, too, with a list of adjectives and facts: joy, outgoing, superb speller (looking back, not sure how that applied), and insert-a-bunch-of-other-adjectives here. But when I embarked writing people’s online dating profiles for e-Cyrano.com, all that switched. What? A service that’s loyal to writing dating profiles? Yes!
Someone could have a Ph.D. ter neuroscience yet wouldn’t even get an associate’s degree te “Writing an Online Dating Profile 101.” Many of our clients were successful, personable people (from grad students to physicists) who would make fine girlfriends and boyfriends—once they had a dating profile that made them sound unique, one that couldn’t be cut and pasted into someone else’s.
Very first, I would spend 30-60 minutes talking to the client. By the end of our phone call, I’d pare down what they’d said into an enticing brief story while marketing their date-ability te the process. I’d make sure that every sentence focused on what the reader—your future beau or girlfriend—could expect when dating you. The end result would be a profile that read like a good article or book jacket instead of a dating ad, and when someone reached the end of it, they’d want to read more and voeling the person. Spil e-Cyrano’s founder, Evan Marc Katz, likes to say, “It’s simply our job to capture you, like a filmer taking a photo.”
So, why not revamp your online dating profile? Here are the top things I learned when working with people on theirs—that will work for you, too.
1) Concentrate on the most significant things.
Think of five adjectives that best describe you. Then, figure out and write down what’s most significant to you, not everything that’s significant to you. Do you like The Smiths, or are you obsessed and make it a point to see every Smiths voorkant relatie te your city?
Two) Like with any writing, “show don’t tell,” and the more specific, the better. And don’t use adjectives!
Evan is a big believer ter “redefining the adjective.” Meaning, if you think you’re “funny” and state that you’re killing it te your stand-up comedy class, you write the funniest messages ter bday cards and you make everyone at work laugh, that’s OK. But the e-Cyrano method would have you choose the best, most concise example of one time you were funny with an ex and waterput it into present tense: “When you have a bad day, I’ll dress like Homer (your dearest Simpsons character) and do impressions of him until you feel better.”
One engaging paragraph is far better than endless run-on sentences. Every word counts, so you want to make sure every sentence and story is célebre. You don’t have space to waste! Besides, you’ll have slew of time to share more on your presente date and during the phone calls or emails before the date.
Four) Double-check that your profile will be appealing to the opposite hook-up and test it out—conduct your very own concentrate group!
Pretend you’re the person who’s reading your profile. Would you want to date you? Is it more intriguing to date someone who says he/she likes “to attempt fresh things” or who “once ate jellyfish te China”?
When stumped with coming up for a story for one of your adjectives, like “thoughtful,” just think of the best/most célebre/most unique things you did for exes. If you’re truly stuck, you can always ask friends to remind you.
Then, have a few trusted opposite-sex friends read your finished product and get their terugkoppeling. Or postbode your profile online and see what people react to, then amend it from there.
Te no time, all your sentences of stories will mesh together to tell your future fucking partner how they’ll benefit from dating you contra just learning about common interests you may have.
Now, how did writing other people’s profiles help my dating life?
1) I rewrote my online dating profile.
I used to think, I’m a writer, I don’t need to rewrite my own profile! But since my fantasy fucking partner hadn’t arrived ter my Match.com email opbergruimte yet, I thought it wouldn’t hurt. Plus, how could I not practice what I preached? The more I worked spil a profile writer, the more I realized my own profile made mij sound like any other adjective-laden person online.
Two) I got more—and better—results te my inbox.
When I waterput up my revised profile, my in-box became flooded with messages. Many guys wrote more than a typical “Hey, what’s up?” email and asked questions about specific things I’d mentioned ter my profile, like where to find Chicago-style pizza ter L.A.
Three) I became a better dater (I think) and more discerning.
My smarter profile attracted smarter guys. If anyone still wrote, “Hey, what’s up?” I knew they most likely hadn’t read my profile and sent the same three-word question to everybody. (And, hopefully, no one wasgoed answering them.) I also began paying more attention to guys’ profiles and looked for specific examples and stories that demonstrated their character contra just glossing overheen them. Every Sunday morning, he helps an elderly neighbor grocery shop? Aww. I’d write that dude back.
Four) I learned to date outside of my convenience zone.
I used to be stringent with my dating parameters about age and would want a fellow who wasgoed a duo years junior or older. But when I added a few years onto each end—I opened myself up to more dating options. Plus, I think people tend to type te round, even numbers, looking for people 20-30 contra 20-29.
Similarly, I used to not give divorced guys or guys with kids a chance. But since I’m ter my thirties, a lotsbestemming of the guys te my age range are divorced or have kids, and that gives mij more choices than just eyeing profiles of never-been-married studs. Also, many dating coaches say that the fact that a dude wasgoed married shows he has the capability to commit. And committing is key for mij.
Five) I met the man who became my bf.
A few weeks into online dating, one of those Match.com guys became my beau. He said my profile read differently than other people’s and he asked mij several questions referencing things I’d written te it. I’d actually known him socially for years—but his profile wasgoed awful. He had typed very little, and what he did type didn’t sound like the version of him that I knew te person. I wasgoed about to give him some profile-writing tips when it klapper mij: if wij were both on the webpagina, wij were obviously both single. Why give him the tips so they could work on attracting another woman?
He and I met for drinks and ended up dating for overheen a year. This is just further proof that it’s all about how you market yourself—the right words are everything.