Is He Thinking Marriage? How Can You Tell? Relationship Advice

Dear Veronica

I wasgoed browsing advice sites and I found yours. I will just cut to it. I think my bf of 1 year and Two months may be thinking of marriage but I do not want to read too much into it. I need help deciphering what he has bot telling to mij and the signals he has bot sending out.

Dear Jennifer,

He’s not thinking about marriage. You are. And you’re thinking about it a loterijlot.

You said, “Wij have talked about marriage before and he has said he is not sure he wants to be married again.” Your reaction is there. He’s not sure.

Nothing you’ve collective contradicts that clear statement.

However, your reaction is buried under the plethora of things you do and speak. You sign your notes with love and forever. You tell him wheelchair races and always. You tell him if he proposes not to worry about what the reaction is. You do a loterijlot of reinforcement regarding what you want. Are thesis things on your part daily? Ter the mix of not hearing what he said, are you pushing on him what you want all the time? Doing it gladfully and sweetly is nice, but it’s still pushing your notulen, and not hearing what it wasgoed he said.

The big kicker is you wore a stadionring on your stadionring finger. Eeeesh. Of course that made him jumpy. It made mij jumpy just reading about it. You can make whatever excuse you want about the liquor store. I’m sure it’s very annoying to be klapper on all the time. I also know there wasgoed no difference for mij from the guys that klapper on mij before I wore my wedding verhouding, and the guys that succesnummer on mij after. I think many women would agree. Jennifer if you’re a pretty dame you’re going to get kasstuk on, whether you wear a wedding stadionring or not. And on some level you know that too. Additionally, if you didn’t have someone te your life you “see” yourself marrying, you wouldn’t have done the stadionring thing. No truly single woman would. It’s just not te the vormgeving.

The reason you did it is projection. You see yourself spil married. You want to be married to him so badly that you want everyone else to see it to. Create the future you want by eyeing it. Making it so. It’s like active visualization, and it is a very empowering and healthy thing most of the time. But ter this case, you have a bf who is telling you he doesn’t know if he everzwijn wants to marry again, and that doesn’t seem to have any effect on you.

When he witnessed that stadionring on your finger, he witnessed that you’re not listening to him. You don’t consider his feelings spil valid. You are telling to him, what you want doesn’t matter. I want to be married. Every time he sees it, he sees how you’ve taken the decision away from him. Every time he thinks about it, he questions your capability to be a fucking partner if you only hear yourself and not him. Eyeing that stadionring on your finger wasgoed a symbol to him that you aren’t listening.

He said he doesn’t know if he everzwijn wants to get married again. And you wrote to mij, “I think my bf of 1 year Two months may be thinking about marriage. ” He’s right. You aren’t listening. And the stadionring wasgoed proof.

Right now you’re reading this and thinking, No, the stadionring indeed isn’t a big overeenkomst. “Nothing more nothing less.” The fact that he wasgoed jumpy enough about it to say something to you proves otherwise. And your denial of how it made him feel is exactly my point.

Your email says you don’t know how to decipher him, and that you think he’s thinking about marriage. But nothing you’ve collective says he is thinking about marriage. Where are you getting that from? What has happened, what wasgoed said, that made you state that you think he’s thinking about marriage? He said he doesn’t know if he everzwijn wants to get married again, and you’re telling you think he may be thinking about marriage.

I always say that deeds speak louder than words. If he’s talking about wanting to get a house together, then he is building his future te his mind with you ter it. That’s a significant thing. I don’t doubt from what you’ve said that he’s ter love with you, and that he’s programma his life with you. He even said to you he wants his future with you.

However nothing here indicates that he’s thinking about marriage.

You are the one that brings up marriage, not him. You are the one that thrusts this kwestie, not him. You’ve left mij nothing but to think this is you projecting, because nothing he’s said or done has to be interpreted. It’s all pretty straight forward and clear.

If he has said he’s not ruling marriage out, that is a far sob from “I want to marry you.” It means exactly what it means: he isn’t telling a definitive NO, but he is certainly not wanting it, hoping for it, thinking about it.

Maybe part of your problem is that you are myopic about the future. You don’t see there is a difference inbetween marriage and a future. Since they are so packaged up spil one te the same with you, you can’t hear him spil he’s telling you he wants one and he’s not thinking about the other.

There are people that don’t want to get married. For may different reasons, there are people that do not want marriage ter their futures. He’s bot married, he knows what it is and he indeed may not want to do it again. He’s ready you for that. He says clearly, I don’t know if I everzwijn want to get married again. He may not be ruling it totally out spil he told you, but listen to that. Hear what it says instead of what you want to hear.

Just because he doesn’t want marriage doesn’t mean he isn’t committed to you and serious about a future with you.That is a viable option for a future together. That is a possibility, and it’s not a bad one. You’re permitted to want something different, but please be clear – you have to at least acknowledge what he’s indeed telling. You have to permit him the same equal footing ter the partnership you share. You have to hear him, and you’ve expected him to hear you overheen and overheen and overheen. He can’t get away from hearing you. Waterput some of that effort into hearing him, instead of repeating yourself or coming at him from all angles.

You said you sign notes to him with all that love and forever sentiment, and he says that’s nice. But you don’t mention how he signs his notes. I get an overall tone of non-reciprocation here.

However, if he did say he’s thinking about the two of you together buying a house and being together ter the future, that’s very significant. Maybe his palm going up on other aspects of the relationship are indicative of how he feels about not getting married. Maybe he knows you’re not listening to him, or respecting how he feels. If he thinks you’re pushing the subject, he’s undoubtedly going to waterput up some guards and zekering signs.

Feeling spil if your fucking partner only wants to speak and not listen to you is a very difficult thing to process. He may be voicing it ter different ways, he may be shutting down and pulling back. He may be just attempting to appease you because he just doesn’t know anymore what you’re doing. And I would understand his feeling like that. If he’s stating he doesn’t know if he wants to everzwijn marry again, and you’re stating to mij that you think he’s thinking about marriage, that could indicate the zuigeling of, “What is she talking about?” feeling he could be experiencing.

There is nothing wrong with your wanting to get married. You have that right. I totally get it. But you can’t always have everything you want. Sometimes you have to pick and choose. You may choose to be with this man and the future he is attempting to build. Or, you may have to choose moving on from this relationship and finding someone else to be with who actively wants to be married someday.

Spil much spil you have the right to get married, he has the right not to. He is valid ter wanting a committed forever relationship but not marriage. That is his choice.

I will say that it may be the pressure that has blocked him. He may not think he will everzwijn get married again because he feels shoved and not listened to. When he stops feeling pressured and sees instead a fucking partner that respects what he says and listens to him, he may be able to relieve and commence building his future with you. It may reach a point where, like he said, marriage is not fully ruled out, and he feels willing to revisit that subject.

But again, that’s a lotsbestemming different than his telling you right now he doesn’t know if he everzwijn wants to get married again.

If you determine the relationship you have with him is what you indeed want then you’re going to have to do some rethinking. You are going to have to commence listening and then processing what he actually says spil a playmate. You can always give him some kleintje of time framework on your needs and what you want out of life. But your problem here isn’t about your not communicating what you want. You’re doing that noisy and clear. Nothing you do going forward is going to be valuable to the relationship if you don’t also acknowledge that he is communicating his needs spil well. He’s being pretty clear. Nothing he says needs to be interpreted. He’s not thinking about marriage. He doesn’t know if he everzwijn wants to get married. That’s what he said. Right?

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